Hi everyone,

I have been thinking a lot about how far I have NOT come since being diagnosed with depression at the age of 17. Now am 30 and I feel I have not come very far.
I have been taking my meds as perscribed mostly through out the past 13 years. I have been wondering if meds are even worth it anymore. I have been on so many different medications and sometimes have been on them more than once.
Therapy is really touch right now, and I just don't see the point anymore. I love my therapist so much and she really cares about me and my health. I just don't know how much more of this my mind can take.
I have lost it a few times this past week, even being rude to my dad and step-mom and a really good friend. I am never rude to them...don't know what is going on with me.
I have been seeing my pdoc, actually say him Friday and he gave me Valium to get me through the weekend, and I have to see him again Tonight. I don't even know what to tell him, I really have to watch what I say to people because the hospital has been brought up many times in the last 5 days.
The hospital doesn't help me at all, yes it keeps me safe until I get home, and now my pdoc even brought up going into a long-term hospital stay...I really do NOT want that to happen.
I really don't know what to even tell my pdoc, or anyone else. The valium helped for 2 days, and now, nothing. GRRRRR!
I have been getting so angry lately, I usually don't have an anger problem, but it's come out over the past few days, and I lose control and don't even think of consequenses.
Sorry this is long and boring, just had to get this out!
Thanks for listening.
Hugs to everyone,
Jen