I did not mean to imply in any way, shape or form that you "got what you deserved". Your husband had a choice, he should have simply walked out until he was able to control himself. But you have a choice too, you can refuse to participate in this destructive dance.

This particular situation hits very close to home with me. Cliff notes version is that my brother and I grew up seeing a lot of violence, I learned to control my temper he did not. A couple of years ago his wife had an affair, this is not what angered him. When he confronted her, he told her up front, the very worst thing she could do is lie to him and insult his intelligence (his trigger for being called stupid by his teachers for years when in fact he is a genius and was bored).

She lied right to his face, he presented his evidence and called her a *****. She slapped him across the face. He grabbed her around the throat and choked her. He was so angry that he blacked out (stone cold sober, no alcohol involved on his part) and has no recollection of this act. His mother in law was finally able to pull him off of his wife. His behavior is inexcusable.

It sounds like this episode is the crisis of an unhealthy relationship. If you don't get a handle on this now, the cycle will continue with your son. It doesn't mean that either of you are "bad" people, you just need learn some coping skills.