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I lived in a house where "I Love You" is never said to each other. Of course i love my family, both my parents and my brother (my brother now married & not live with us anymore), but the relationship between me & my parents is like a few strangers in the house. We rarely talk to each others, rarely go out together, we never have a dinner / breakfast together. As a result we dont really know each others feelings. What we going through. Whats bothering our mind, and so on. My mother spend her days mostly taking care of the house. My father, he's a very hard-worker, he leave the house in the morning, and come home at night / even midnight, he even work on Saturday sometimes, and he always bring home his unfinished work. I remember he once said to me "we both like a couple of strangers", i understand why he said that. I just cant make things right with my father, everytime we talk, there's always a trigger to make each one of us upset / angry. Everytime i asked him serious questions, things that i dont understand, he always responded with a furrow on his forehead, and he always have something to say to corner me out, like "why you're so stupid about those things-because you never wanna learn" thing. Well hello i asked you because i wanted to know didn't i.

I know i've been stupid for all my life, and i realized that my father is very disappointed at me. I remember when i got a job as a clerk&cashier at this store, he's gone mad! He said "why do you put yourself into that kind of job? You can do something better than that! Im still afford to pay for your college as well as your allowance, you dont have to collect some extra money!". And im like, its not the point!! For once i just want to do something better for myself rather than doing suck in college with no future, i choose that stupid major at that stupid university because i listen to you eventho i know i dont have the capability to keep up with it, and its true. But yeah, i never say that to my father. All i do is quiet when he's yelling at me, i keep everything inside me. Why? I dont know, i just respect him as a father who work day & night to support his family, and i have so much quiet-love for him. But one time, we have a big fight over silly thing, my bad, my parents is having a fight that time which i really hate it when it happens, then my father raise his voice and tells me to move my car because his car cant get out, i was eating and suddenly i just freaked about it, i throwdown the plate, i scream so hard, kicking at the door, i was in a ****** mood. Its more than enough to make my father really angry at me. He yelled "What makes you mad like that at me, im your father!!! I work everyday for you, for your needs and everything!!". Im dead. I sent him a text message a few hours later said sorry but he never reply.

Sometimes i get really sad thinking about the relationship between me & my parents. I dont really talk to my brother as well. But maybe this is just how my family goes. Like a few strangers. I am sad right now. I wish i could do something to make things better. I just cant, the family cant.