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Elysium · Oct 26, 2009, 11:38 PM

Thanks to all who read and/or responded.

I wish I can say it got better today...but it didn't. I feel more retchid now than before.

My room mate came home today...we finally got a chance to talk this afternoon about things. I tried so hard to explain that it wasn't her and that it was my issue. I apologized and I let her know that I didn't plan this.

She started to cry. She started going on about how she couldn't pay her bills now and how things were going to get shut off and that she always gets screwed by people. Again...I told her I didn't realize it was going to be this hard.

I don't know what to do. I'm barely holding my own head above water financially and having a difficult time just looking after me. All of the sudden I have the guilt of putting her in a bad position financially. I feel like I have to stick around now in order to keep her afloat. I can't do that though. I can't take on her issues when I can barely take care of my own. I can't be responsible for keeping her electricity on. I am doing my best to give her money when I get it so that I can pay the rent to her...but ultimately her stuff has to be her stuff. I did not sign up to be responsible for keeping her life in balance.

Even still....I feel like crap. I am afraid to talk to her now because I feel like I'm going to lose it and just turn into a puddle of tears myself.

Sometimes I just wish I had someone who I could just go to...just to sit and be with them. To know someone was there. Right now there is no one....and I am really having a difficult time tolerating myself at the moment....