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tdsss · Oct 27, 2009, 05:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elysium3006

Yeah...guilty!!

I just moved in with this nice lady, into her 4 bdrm house two weeks ago. She is renting me two rooms out for a decent price. I had every intention to stay here, but I am now having the most difficult time not having a place of my own.

It is soooo hard for me to live in someone elses home. I can't really explain it....or maybe I can, but I'm not sure it's fair. When I was younger...my father would always make it well known that my brother and I had nothing. His favorite thing to say to us was "that isn't your room...it's mine. I just let you live here." As I got older and moved on my own...I have had a really hard time sharing my space.

Part of it is I have trouble being around other people's mess/dirt. Now I am not a clean freak. I leave my dishes in the sink for a day or two...I hate dusting...I vacuum only when someone is coming to visit and I leave my sweaters/coats lying around. But, I'm not a slob either. But dealing with other's mess/dirt...even if it is not awful...just makes me cringe.

I hate living in someone elses house too. I feel like a constant visitor that can't leave. I feel, again as I did as a child. Like I have no place in this world that is just mine.

So...I found an inexpensive, nice apartment that I decided I was going to rent and am planning to move in about three weeks. My landlord/room mate is in L.A. on business and will be back tomorrow morning. I know it's not fair for me to move in and out within a month...but I need to get out of here. I hate it here and it's very uncomfortable for me.

Soooooo, I applied for the apartment on Friday, thinking I could speak with my room mate when she got home from her trip. Well....the rental agency called her yesterday for a reference.......

She sent me a text message asking me what to say...I told her to tell them I had only been with her for a short time and then tell them whatever she thought was appropriate. She then proceeded to text me about 5 times and call and leave a frantic voicemail on my phone. I apologized for her finding out that way and let her know that I had wanted to speak with her first...but now she's pissed!! I can understand why....I am just scared now because I do not want conflict with this person.

I wasn't expecting it to be this hard for me to be someone elses room mate....in someone elses house. I hate it. But now I am feeling very guilty for needing to move. I didn't expect this!! It wasn't in the plan....but I don't know who is right here?

Should I feel like a biotch for moving in and moving out so soon....or should I feel like it shouldn't bother me. We never signed a lease or agreement for how long I'd stay.

I just don't know. All I do know is as guilty as I feel....I need to get out of here. It's been reeking havoc on my anxiety. I'm beginning to think they are spying on me and getting into my things. I can't prove it...but little things are starting to happen. It's probably just me moving things around. I do this some times...and I am probably just focusing on it more now because I feel like I am trapped in a place where I can not be who I am.

I miss my privacy!! I long for it!!

Am I the worst person ever....or do I have a right to get myself to a place where I can live comfortably?

Do what you want, if you have the fortune. If you don't have the fortune you may want to consider the consequences. I've been living with the same kind of irritability you expressed in this post since I was booted from my home at 18 and deemed intolerable by my parents. This was ten tears ago; 22 jobs ago; 13 moves ago- would you hire me? would you rent an apartment to me? I hit rock bottom on my last episode, I lost my job and a month later I was homeless, living in my car for three months till my family decided to let me in. Your not a bad person, and you are being recorded, I'm not going to lie, Your reputation is being documented just the same as mine and everyone elses. I hope you dont feel I am putting you down because I am not. I am just sharing some brutal truths about our culture that I have experienced. But like I said, if you have the fortunes, do what you want.