I'm glad you saw your pdoc!!

And I agree with the others - don't beat yourself up. You're not chicken. You were just not ready.

As far as the meds are concerned, I would be afraid to stop taking the meds in case I get withdrawal symptoms on the trip. There was a time when I missed several doses of Lexapro due to getting a script refilled, and I remember how awful I felt. Getting off the meds is a big deal - something that should be done gradually IF you've been on them for a long time.