Quote:
from now on looks like ill just have to keep things close to my chest an not ask for help every again cos all that happens is losin a friend over it 
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What really happened dear is that you found out what kind of a "friend" she was and it's not really one you need if she's only there for you in fair-weather. I've kept my thoughts close to my chest for years which is why, at 39, I finally had to seek some help for my issue. There was never really anyone I could talk to about it except my mother who passed away in 2001 and I still don't feel I'm over the grieving of that even though I'm married now to a wonderful woman and have a beautiful 9 month old child.
No matter what happens in RL know that you can express to us (me at least) what you feel and even though I can't be there for you in real life, my thoughts and mind are there.
I sort of know what you're going through and know the pain that accompanies it.
Try to be well today at least.
Chris