I agree with Sky, you still have another day to make a final decision but for now maybe you will be surprised and someone can really help. It is a horrid place to be abd I am sorry for your pain. Another day, talk with the pdoc and be honest. Stay talkinging and being honest.

These are the words of a friend now departed;"sleep always makes things look a little brighter". If nothing else sleep. Rest your soul and be well. I again am so sorry for your pain.