Hello Didi (is it?),

Not that it really helps you in any way but I've had such similar feelings as this post before that it's a bit scary. I was also picked on so cruelly in school being that I was really large (as in tall) and overweight and transferred into high school from another place. I never fit in there either and the teasing was relentless. I tried to play basketball one year and even remember, on the trip back in the bus with the coach sitting nearby, this one guy spitting down my neck and the back of my shirt over and over again and all I could do was sit there and try not to cry. (I was pretty sensitive and nonviolent for a guy I guess).

Anyway, I am new to this forum and don't really know too many people but everyone has been wonderful and supporting so far and I have tried to to extend that to others as well. YOU don't need to "fit in" here or really anywhere as there's such diversity in life that everyone really can fit in. You are special for being just who you are but you are really hurting now and can mostly see the negative illusions your mind is telling you is real. That's really all they are dear, illusions. You are NOT weak, NOT useless, people DON'T hate you and you're NOT evil or a bad person (yes I haven't met you but I can tell from the tone of your postings). I just want to say I for one (along with others) care about you and know some of the pain you're experiencing.

That's all really, just a caring ear and fingers to type a reply to let you know that someone loves you and cares about your well-being.


Chris