I'm not sure what's wrong with me today. It's like I never woke up properly. Right now I am:

- Exhausted
- Frustrated
- Restless
- Grumpy
- Sad
- Uninterested
- Anti-social

Today was one of those days I should not have gotten out of bed. The second I woke up I felt gross. I think it's because I can't actually remember the last time I saw the sun, and I'm very susceptible to lack of sunlight, which probably means I should get my S.A.D. light out again.

Ugh. I feel like crap. There's just been this voice in my head today telling me how useless and pathetic I am. I am a waste of space, my life is a waste of energy. I've come apart at the seams and sometimes it feels like no matter how hard I try I'm just never going to get myself put back together. I can't engage, I can't meet people's eyes, I can't focus on anything. I got home this afternoon and the first thing I did was put on my pyjamas and crawl into bed. I'm just not capable of functioning in the world today. Everything is so grey, so dark and heavy inside me. I'd really like to cry, but I can't. I hate it when I get like this. It happens once every couple of weeks and so far it hasn't lasted more than a day or so but it's just so draining. I feel stuck, I feel like I'm in limbo and I'm never going to get my life on track. I'm lonely. I'm trying to get involved and make friends and find new things to do but it's like every time I try, I come up against a brick wall. What's the point anymore? Maybe I'm just too strange. I'm just a misfit. I should just stop trying. I'm probably meant to be alone. It's not like I have anything to offer anyone else anyway, and even if I did I'm so bad at interacting with other people, it's impossible for me to connect. I'm just broken and defective and I the sooner I accept it the sooner I can stop having these days where I am suddenly overwhelmed by what a failure I've become.