TRying to be me, that's not the kind of posting that "crap" inspires. Neither would you care about your son as much as you do if you were crap. So send the thought out with the garbage, but treat yourself like the priceless person you are instead. It's not bad for you to think those things in the sense of you having to feel guilty. It's part of the disease. While you shouldn't feel guilty about it, it does need some adjustment, dear, which was why I posted as I did. A few hug in order, OK, take some for yourself and a few for your baby