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Just wanted to say that even though today has been a good day I'm still considering that I might need to be hospitalized for my crap. Seriously was considering at least some pretty serious si (at least) last night (really, my original post was just me feeling really really sad, last night it was more like that plus more self-hatred that I've ever had ...probably in my entire life... thankfully for me it's not like there were any real tools so to speak) I wont bother mentioning the cause because it is really something ridiculously stupid. I'm not handling the stress very well and considering I'm getting a job hopefully soon and will be going to college (eventually, probably next fall so I can save up some money for it first) that it is just going to get worse
......
unfortunately for me I don't have my own car or even a learners permit and really do not have a person I trust offline aside from my best friend and my step-sister to even drive me there, and it's not like my parents aren't going to ask questions because they are still under the belief that I'm just a normal teenager just going through some normal stuff that I'll get over with with a little time and some self-confidence. and well... I live with them anyways so it's not like they wouldn't notice. So yeah, even if I felt something necessary I have no idea how I actually could.