Eskie,

You make an important point, that 'seeing eye to eye' is not a fixed situation. There is an evolution in agreement and disagreement, and people can fall out with each other over many years. It feels as if you have slowly lost your connection with your husband over the years, and the further away we go from each other the colder it gets. There is, as you seem to imply, a point of no return - sadly.

Maybe it's more than just the way we see the issues, but the way we feel about the person, and that is not easily changed. Obviously there was a feeling of rivalry with my brother, inculcated by the family dynamics, and he didn't want to see my point of view, as I was his rival, not our father.

We can 'decide' not to see the other person's point of view, and once we have made that decision, it would take all the therapists of the Western world to move us even an inch towards our enemy's position. Such is the nature of people. It's a tragedy of the world.

Good grief, look at all the wars, the soldiers, the divorce lawyers, the counsellors and therapists, the court systems - it's all evidence of how difficult people can be towards each other. The amazing thing is that we ever see eye to eye with anyone at all!

Good thoughts, M