Thanks Rohag, I really try not to add to the heavy thoughts so many of us here have day to day.

Yes. I've searched this over and over again and the only thing I actually enjoy is being able to get up from my desk often and interact with people, although they're usually fussing, then finally fixing what was wrong and knowing that they're happy because of something I did. That's another issue to though that really the only time I even hear from someone is when they're frustrated and complaining. Aside from that there really is nothing that interests me about IT. When I'm home the only thing I even use my own computer for is email, web, and music. Aside from that I don't even touch it. When I was younger I was kind of into gadgets but as I've grown older I have developed a big distaste for them and all the marketing hype.
I've said it over and over again to my father, and mother when she was alive, how much I dislike IT and they just said "but you're so good at it" and my father just 2 days ago said the same thing when I was telling him again I didn't like it. I also don't really have any other credentials to do anything else despite how much I'd like to be doing something that actually helps people have a better life and not dealing with faulty inanimate objects all day.

I'm not sure really. All my life I heard from family and teachers how smart I was but that I was just "lazy" and so I also felt like I disappointed everyone when I didn't finish school, or get some great job, or be financially self-sufficient early on. I just felt pressured to do things by the book and honorable (but I wish I had been pushed to study harder, focus on an interest/career or get help with studies early on). I faced so much ridicule and teasing when I was young, all the way through school, and even afterward when I was floundering around doing menial jobs to stay afloat. I always thought I was capable of doing so much more on the one hand, and worthless and a burden on the other hand.

Thank you for taking the time to write Rohag and for your compliment and understanding. I always felt like I needed to please others and over the years I developed such a cynicism towards life and people that I went the complete opposite direction and openly stated I didn't care about anyone else while at the same time my heart was breaking because I really did but felt like I needed to protect myself and the best way was not to trust or be too involved with anyone.

I'll try to be more specific in my next rant.