You guys are SO SUPPORTIVE and such lovely people Thanks so much for the hugs. I'll share more of what happened in session..

T and I had spoken quite a bit about what would happen in our upcoming session and how i felt. My T is an ED specialist and i see her for that including other issues. I've struggled with body image issues all throughout high school and bit of ED stuff as well. However it got significantly worse last summer after i graduated from college. That's when I began to see my college T , which then referred me to my current T. Anyway, she decided that it might help me to have dinner with her in session to see what and how much i was eating. I am trying so hard to commit to my healing and getting better,but it's so painful. I brought my dinner with me, took two bites and immediately started crying. T said that she brought dinner, but had accidentally eaten it earlier leaving me to eat alone. I also remember being so angry with her because she kept going on about calories and fat in food( so triggering) while just watching/waiting on me eat. In the midst of my tearful session, i remember feeling very alone and abandoned. I kept thinking of the HUGE amounts of pain that I felt on behalf of my mother( tons of abandonment).It's strange because in the very moment all i wanted was my mother and her touch.... but I NEVER got that from her. Why would I want something from someone that never gave me any sort of comfort of soothing? I only lived with her for 0-7yrs old and even then I was moved around from place to place( foster homes etc). T did ask me at some point what I needed from her and I can't remember what my response was. I remember her sitting next to me on the couch, but everything after that until the end of session is quite foggy. It was just awful and I needed your hugs.