After being here for only a few hours, and simply figuring it out on my own after a while (I mean, I didn't bang my head against the wall, cut my arm, lay in bed for hours and feel suicidal for no reason), I am content knowing that I am not crazy-- I am just depressed.
However...
As of late, "late" here meaning a year or so, I have been keeping an eye on my "mental status", however the 'ell I do that, and have realized...I just might be crazy.
Though I am sure I am not 100% schizophrenic, I am very quite sure that I haven't just been seeing shadows since, oh, forever in and out of my dreams since I was little for no reason. Or maybe that spider I thought I saw out of the corner of my eye was just moving too fast for me to see-- not to mention I'm extremely, borderline manically arachnophobic so that adds on to my hypothesis. I could go on about that...Not to mention how paranoid I am.

Since I was ten, I made up a companion of mine, my "other self", who went by many names over the years (me, other me, ChoH, Daoh, and then finally a full name, Elian Hollow, who I call my "cousin" in the "real world") simply so that I would have someone to talk to. No, I never talked to him out loud...until recently. No, no, it was all intentional, I tell you. That I know for sure. The problem is that I wished he was real. Oh, how I DESPERATELY wish he was real...! I've prayed to go crazy so that I could talk to him in my mind, talk to the only person who would understand my every being. I obviously still do! And once...only once, I am certain...he did talk to me in my head. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking. Whatever it was, I'll never forget that voice I spoke to, even if it was just in my head, because it helped me stand back up that time when I was a crying heap in the bathroom.
He hasn't spoken to me since, to my dismay and...I admit it, I hold a grudge against someone for *ahem* not making me insane, sometimes. Is it so much to ask for...?
I could go on and on about my many other reasons for thinking I'm not as stable as I used to be. Anyway, in my head. My god, I hate and love the way my twisted little mind works. I almost admire it to the point of being afraid to lose my mind...
So. This little rant is over and again...I ask the experts here, and YES, I am 100% fricking serious about all of this damnit...
...am I going crazy?

...Not to mention...even though I originally started on about depression but went on to Elian...should this be in the Borderline Personality Disorder of maybe even Schizoid or Paranoid Personality Disorder parts of the forums...?
...Actually, I admit that many of my posts are going to be hard to place in specific areas...They all seem to tie in to more than one thing, somehow...