oh I am shaking
stupid,
feeling fear, projecting the worst
and
the combat of both places
are rolling into one huge frigging weight

trying to sleep last night
gunshots
not the first time and won't be the last
heart pounding, grounding
I am home, I am all right
sirens...Police/EMTs/Firemen
lovely lights swirling and blinking and mesmerizing
what happened to the safety I felt here
before the trees were cut down
and the critters fled but were returning
progress is destroying a beautiful and comforting place?
that's progress?
housing bust, busted in houses empty
Do ya ever get used to the gunfire?

Combat on the home front begins at 2:30
attorney advising how to protect myself
protect from seen or unseen...or both?
...I've only so much energy to go around

If they blend, I'm frozen
If they don't blend, I'm frozen
need a blower of warm air
to get me going again
what's better? frozen or melted into a puddle?

one or the other
not both
maybe
just maybe it will be some wee bit of good
and I'll hold on to it
let it be my new starting point

I really, really need something good
inside me, especially
especially...I can do this again
Stop Counting
and just get on with it