I am sitting here on the couch, with my laptop on my legs. It's peaceful here.
In 2 hours and 30 minutes there is a second Biology test, and an overdue paper I need to hand in. I have barely studied and I have not done the paper. It is already minus 50 points, because it was due a week ago.
Thinking of all the things I need to do - study and start on the paper - paralyzes me with fear. Sticking to a study plan also paralyzes me. So I find it much easier to not think about it at all. Whatever happens, happens. This shames me to no end. How do I explain to people that I, a grown woman, who is almost thirty, is such a bad student? How do I make peace with myself, when education is like religion to me, like elixir of the gods?

I need to pass this course to graduate this winter. I want to finally get out of this community college and transfer to a four-year school.
If I drop this course, I will have to wait until Spring just to take this one course. That would mean that a whole year later, I would be in the new college. (I guess I could take that time to get better mentally and psychologically, but, still!...) People are raising eyebrows... my family is bewildered that it's taking me so long, and they cannot wait until I finally get a career. (makes me so mad though)

I decided to go full-time this last semester so that I could graduate. But it's much harder than I thought. I seem to have some kind of anxiety that impedes with my learning. I have had this problem with other courses, for example, Statistics. I am taking Statistics for the fourth time this semester. (I'm glad though, that this time it's much easier...probably because I am so used to the material.)

I do not know what to do, or where to turn first? I have health insurance. Please don't suggest a college counselor, as I have seen one for a long time, but it did not help. I'm taking Zoloft, but it has not affected this anxiety I experience. I am coming here in total desperation, asking you fine people for advice on where would be best to turn to. Should I try hypnotherapy? Cognitive behavior therapy? A new drug?? I don't have much time