SW- I hope your cold feels better....everyone seems to be sick right now

Does your t often eat with you there? A small banana and a cup of hot choc in the room with someone with an ED is big deal (to me). How do you feel when she eats?

I'll tell you what desk-t used to do with me. She almost always ate in a session. I tried to pretend I was "normal" and the eating didnt bother me. Afterall, she is hungry, human, and maybe it made her more human to me. I didnt like the level of "pretending" I had to do for it to be OK. I never mentioned it, my bad. I was afraid to upset her to or to make her change her ways b/c of me. There was a little bit of jealousy of her in that she could so casually eat anything. I had (at one point) asked her if she had an ED. She said no, but she diets occasionally if her weight goes up. She said she knows which clothes fit her at what weight. I wanted to be able to eat casually like that and have a casual attitude toward weight.

Then, the longer her eating in the session went on, I felt like there was a possibility she was deliberately eating. There were times when her meal sparked a conversation, not on food/eating feelings, but on specifically what I could eat for lunch that wouldnt trigger me etc. She didnt go to my feelings. I am very convinced that if I dont go to my feelings on a deeper level, I can know backwards and forwards what I should eat, but I wont feel comfortable eating until I get to what is underneath. But I think there might have been some deliberateness to her eating in front of me. At the time I was really underweight, I thought she was trying to make me hungry or something so Id eat anything...ugh!

Dt once told me to read books on ED. It was one of the only times I got angry at what she said when she said it. It was a reflex. I said, "I could write my own book on eating disorders, I dont need to read anything." She smiled UGH! I thought it was very simplistic and a textbook way of working with me. I think I have read enough about it all.....I need to do the work....