Just an update.
I went to my T today and spent 30 min. with her and then my dad came in for the rest of the 30 min. I didn't hardly say anything. I was so focused on the ground. I kept coming in and out of it. My dad was very supportive and my T brought up my parents divorce when I was 8 or 9--i don't quite remember my age. She told him of my feelings of being at fault for that night things hit the fan. Of course he said it wasn't...but I know it was, well at least part of me knows it was. But for now I have to let it be known that to everyone in my mind that we are NOT at fault.
I still don't know the point is. I don't even know what to say to my pdoc when I am supposed to call him tomorrow in the morning. I have been on valium and adivan for trying to calm down.
My T says I am going through so much crap right now that the medication is working I just can't see it. She really cares for me, and boy am I trying to push her away, I am telling her to not care, and to not see me anymore. She told me she is more stubborn than myself, and she is going to fight with me till the end. She wants me to stay alive not just because she is my T but because she cares for me very much she says.
I have been having soooo many dreams about the end of life, how I do it and who is there with me. I don't know what is bringing this on, but it is getting to the point where I hardly sleep or I sleep all day.
There is so much more in me, but I don't want to bore you.
So will stop.
Thanks again for listening,
Hugs,
Jen