Hi all:
This is my first time posting here. Seems to be a pretty legitimate site so I'm glad I found you all. I was diagnosed with chronic depression around age 21. By the time I hit close to 30 and the low moods were still consuming me, I started to believe the doctor. I'm 47 now, and since I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be jumping ship, I'm coming to terms with this being me and trying not to be depressed about being depressed. I'd like to maybe start a thread on that sometime because that's the key to breaking the spiral of depression. The mind can be like the house of mirrors at a carnival...it keeps reflecting back, then reflecting that back and reflecting back what it reflected back and... AY YI YI!! So then you're depressed, because you're depressed, because you're depressed...and before you know it it's pretty dark in the room. Anyway, I've gone off topic.

I just wanted to share what I know about the difference between suicidal thoughts and suicidal ideation. The occassional "thought" about not existing is something that most people have at some time or other. On the other hand, suicidal "ideation" is going beyond the random periodic thought and beginning to dwell on and romanticize about suicide. This often includes actual visualizations or mental rehearsals of different ways to do it. Sometimes it becomes a vicarious way to relieve the stress of feeling so awful -- going right up to the line but never crossing the point to follow through. It's like having an affair to save a marriage. This "flirtation" with the pleasure and relief imagined, might help someone continue to cope with life.

I'm no expert and if I had everything figured out I wouldn't be in this chatroom. This is my understanding from a training I received to volunteer for a suicide crisis hotliine several moons ago. Hope this was helpful. Thanks for being here and I hope to make some new friends.
Jooker