From a guy's veiw @ 6 yrs in....
Maybe this will give some insight.

Not married but accept our deal as one...

We kinda had / have that problem, not so much detail as yours. Every guy needs reminded what to do & what's going on, just to the extent of daily hygene & what not.

We ending up setting rules at about 3yrs in.
1, who ever made it home from work first cooked.
2, who ever made more money got the green hit, "weed"
3, who ever had the day off took care of all things needed.
4, we alway run arrands together, food, gas ect.
5, we split every bill & food & expence 50/50
6, we try to confront any issues as soon as they arrive, it is hard.
7, we do not bars w/out each other, excluding restrants
8, we both have set chores, ei catbox, general cleaning
9, I repair the cars, you keep them clean
10, We both set aside time for "us as a couple" atleast 4 nights a week.
11, respect, 0 tolerance for intentional disrespect

As a guy, we don't work w/out general rules & principals. Like a kid, give an inch we take a mile. Over time, every guy has a set time in which we feel %100 secure & comfortable & then we just do whatever we feel like doing as we have no worries.
It is MY job to, take care of all manly things, ie car repairs, fixing anything, protecting her from outside harm she may not see, & on.

The thing is you HAVE TO SET GENERAL RULES & PRINCIPALS for a guy!!! It's sad I know, but we're realy just a mix of a kid & a dog so w/ respect needs to be kept that way w/ rules & such or we'll go into "bachlor mode" Not horing around, just being lazy.

Hope this helps,