So, I went into the support chat room last night. friedgreymatter was very helpful. I put a lot of thought into how I have been feeling, what I have in life.
I have many supportive people IRL. I have a good job.
I am slowly getting over the fire that destroyed my apt on June 24th. We now have new furniture, etc. We are in a new place and starting to be settled.
I realized that I need to live, despite my feelings of wanting to die.
I realized I have to commit myself to the help my T is promising to provide to see me out of this pain.
I have issues with God, my mother, and several other things that rampage in my head.
My normal way of thinking is either in black or white.
So, right now I am in a white phase and I am trying to sort out everything to allow the help that is being provided to me.
It isn't easy for me. And the road is windy. And I may just be in a bad place again.
I wanted the people here who do PM me and reply to my posts that I am taking into consideration everything that is being offered.
My depression is deep. But, this morning, for whatever reason...I am starting to believe again.
I ask that you all bare with me because you never know when I will fall down deeper.