Competition has always been part of my life...if it wasn't against someone else, it was against myself to constantly improve.

It started as a the only girl in a neighborhood of boys....if I wanted to be accepted as their equal, I had to be as good as them in everything we did....sports, school, music.....just a few things.

In school, I always had to have the straight A's on my report card to prove to myself I was good & probably to be recognized by my teachers. In music, there were the recitals...I always felt like I had to perform perfectly & constantly perform harder pieces. I enjoyed sports & performing music.

When I was out in the working world after graduating from the university, I was the only girl aerospace engineer. Starting out as the beginner, I found the need to continue learning & improving my abilities & it seemed that I always had to be extremely good to even be recognized by the guys I worked with. We also had a racquetball club at work. I fell in love with the game & of course, working with only guys, I played racquetball with only guys. I had to be as good as them or they wouldn't want to play with me. There were player ratings, C (average), B (better), A (best). I actually got up to the B rating in the tournaments & many times came in first place. One court that we played at had a "challange court" where you would play the winner before you & if you won, you would play the next person. There was an A player on the court & I was the next player....it came down to the last point & I slammed it & my knee went out from under me. That was a time when competition hurt me....I tore my anterior curciate ligament & 5 years later ended up having to have a complete knee reconstruction....but competition was still there....I told my orthopedic surgeon that I would only let him do the surgery if he could guarantee that I would be able to go snow skiing in 6 months.....3 months on crutches without being able to walk on the leg at all, & 6 months of intense physical therapy 3 days a week & pushing myself with my own therapy at home along with working about 60 hours a week, I was successful & was skiing the intermediate slopes at Jackson Hole Wyo.

When I bought my first American Eskimo dog from my horse riding trainer, she got me into showing them....competition again...with some success of getting a champion title & obedience title on my first eskie. The showing I liked best was with the international club where they provided critiques for each dog....which provided a way to constantly improve against yourself not just others.

Even now when I am no longer working due to being on disability for depression & anxiety & curently dealing with PTSD, I am continuing my competition with myself & others in my Dressage horse showing. I work out with my horse daily & have increased my training to 3 days a week.

Maybe it is drive, love of competition, stupidity, or what, but it seems to keep me going & focused on something other than my problems. My parents never understood me or the drive that I seemed to have. It was a foreign concept to them but I really didn't care because I wanted to improve my life over what they had....I wasn't satisfied to sit back with no improvement in my life.

Competition has always been a part of my life even without realizing it. It makes me feel good about myself when I can see improvement & accomplishments even when it isn't against anyone else & just against myself. I don't know where it came from but it has always seemed to be a part of my personality.

Debbie