No, Beads it's fine. I'm sorry to hear things are so crap for you at the moment I wish I could make it easier for you, but all I can say is that I know exactly how you feel with that!

Things are getting better... But other things are getting worse. Like ED stuff. I've not eaten a thing today and didn't eat all that much yesterday, good 900 odd calories though which really upset me but today, it's been a hot chocolate, glass of squash, cup of tea and a cup of coffee. Nothing else. I did ask Connor for some toast but later took it back and said not to worry about it. He went to get up to make it, but I blurted out "No, no. Please. Please, please, please don't go and get me any. I'm not hungry now. I'm fine" he got upset saying I'd said I was hungry not long ago, which was true... But after thinking about how fat it'd make me (eating 200 calories from 2 slices of toast), I just couldn't face eating it. Or anything else for that matter.

I still haven't heard from the police, am at Connor's and was glad when his Mum told him when he called her that there wouldn't be enough dinner for us, so have something before we come over. I bought Connor dinner and he sneakily got me to get a baguette and tried making me eat it, but I just pushed it away. I couldn't face it... So I'm sitting here, on an empty stomach after walking around some of the day, feeling glad that there wasn't enough for me. But another part just wishes someone would shove food down my throat, stop me doing this. I feel like I can't do it myself... I feel like I can't stop myself, like someone would have to stop me, for me if that makes sense...

I don't feel so good. I just feel tearful right now, worried about Connor...