I feel all of your pain, and it is real. Please go to a crisis stabilization unit. If you are having thought of suicide, it is for your own good. I am praying that you will do the right thing. worry about you, and not what others think about you. You are the most important right now.I know you are crying out for help. just take the steps in the right direction. You will not regret it. I promise. Pm me if you need to talk ok.