((((((Heysj0401!! )))))

I don't think you sound "irrational" and you said your T said she understood what you were saying; maybe she's just expressing her frustration b/c she WANTS to help you...you're just not speaking the language....can you get this "thing" out on paper...then give it to her? But,hey gf You've been here before..I remember......
And furthermore, your post sounds perfectly rational to me It sounds, though, that you've lost faith in yourself!!

I can relate to your "doggie splattered on the side of the road, w/the barely audible pulse" You managed to crawl to the keyboard though and "puke some feelings out" That's a POSITIVE sign, IMO.......You know that lame saying, "I can feel your pain" ??Well, I may hate the saying, but it is how I feel............hang tight, sister.......and when you think that you've reached the end of your rope...tie a knot & KEEP POSTING! As long as you keep "puking", at least your head won't explode & hopefully, you'll "trust someone"

Peace, DAYZEE9