Thanks bebop ... I've found that a couple 12 oz aluminum punching bags have been of some value. I hadn't thought about classes on rage, but it kind of gets under my skin to just think about that kind of thing.

I have to tell you, this ptsd is complicated. It seems that my symptoms discourage getting help...crazy.

Thanks for the welcome back, but I really don't feel good about jumping back in. It's kind of a cycle. I feel helpless and hopeless so I come back. I tell things that I wish I didn't and then jump out. It's kind of like when I revealed those few things to a "so called friend" -- found that she was non judgmental and offering help -- and found my anxiety level so high that I've abandoned the semi friendship and all contact with her.

Mid November i speak with a doc. That's my chance to ask for help. I just don't think i have the courage to reveal that my shining armor has dents in it, that another warrior bites the dust long after the last bullet is fired, the last grenade exploded, the last bomb detonated.

I feel wrapped around the axle on this. If I mention it, life will change for me and my entire family, forever. There is no going back. Doc will have me evaluated, the classes will begin, the group meetings, the visits with the shrink ... and life will change (I just wonder whether it will all be for the better).

T.