I haven't seen or spoken with my brother since December of last year. We only recently reconnected through e-mail communication. We plan to meet on Monday for coffee at Starbucks.

I miss my brother but I also feel angry at him as well.

He doesn't want to have any involvement in my treatment for my medical condition. He wants me to turn for help and support from medical profs. . Our parents have both passed many years ago so essentially we are each others only family. But I feel like the black sheep of the family since I have my medical condition and have been hospitalized numerous times...etc.

I feel as though I have to put on a performance for my brother in order to keep the peace. I have to pretend that it doesn't hurt me or anger me that he will not support me or comfort me on my path to recovery. I have been stablized for 3 years now.

I think that my brother will always view me as being ill and dysfunctional. And he will never accept that I have stabilzed.

I want a closeness with my brother that he doesn't want. He wants our lives to be completely separate. Which makes me feel like I am going out for coffee with a stranger whom I am genetically related to. I use to like to give him bear hugs which he doesn't like at all he only will accept "manly hugs" ... 4 ft between us and a pat on the back.

And due to his profession he acts/thinks like he knows everything about psychology and psychiatry. He has even dx me with disorders. I asked my former psychiatrist if I had the disorder that my brother dx me with and he said that I do not have that disorder. I feel like I am under a microscope when I am around him. Anything I say or do is being analyzed and interpreted for whatever dx he can come up with. I can never just relax and be myself for fear of being told I have this or that disorder.

I want to rebuild our relationship but I seriously do not know how to do it when everything has to be on his terms. There is no room for mutual agreement or descision making.

Sometimes I think that what is the point of having a brother if I receive no support or comfort from him at all? I am sick and tired of paying ppl to support and comfort me. Or depending on the kindness of strangers for it.