I flipped out.

I was sad. Angery.Happy and uncareing at the same time. I took a shower - shaved one of my legs and asked my fiancee which one looked better.

He told me the one that I shaved. I went back in the bathtub and cried and wrote all over the walls.

I dont know what happened. I just want to be alone right now and feel in the dumps.

He likes porn and women with 100000 tons of makeup over a real women.

I remeber there was a time he loved me like I was. I never wore makeup, and he loved that about me. He loved that natural side of me, he used to call me the "wild beauty". It made me feel lovely, even compared to those fake and overdone women.

Now he says "makeup once in awhile is fine." Basiclly Im getting ugly? I dont get it.

This rollar-coaster was too fast and cant think right. I want to lash out, destroy, break...

But another part of me wants to cry and yet here I am laughing! I DONT GET ME! This is so DUMB. So how do you control yourself. Im supposed to be on Zyprexa but stopped taking it because of pregnancy. I need support, comfort and just a friend. He ran away to the other room and isnt very supportive.