What's a separation anxiety? I actually haven't felt anything like this with other people. I don't know what it is about my boyfriend that makes me feel this way.
FeelingSad, to make long story short, I had an ex-boyfriend since I was 13. As I grew older, we grew apart, and I felt I needed to experience "what's out there". I remember being constantly wanting out of the relationship but he begged me back everytime,I felt bad, and agreed to stay, for 6 years. I went away for college, and I cheated on him. I can't handle long-distance relationship. I felt terrible. I broke up with him. Here's how I felt. "I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M THAT KIND OF PERSON, AND ALL MY LIFE, I HAVE BEEN ALWAYS SOOO AGAINST INFIDELITY!!! I'M GONNA BURY THIS, AND I WON'T CHEAT ON ANYONE EVER, 'CAUSE THIS FEELING IS TERRIBLE AND IT'S GONNA HAUNT ME THE REST OF MY LIFE NOW. I'M NO LONGER PURE AND GOOD. I'M JUST BAD." I guess as a coping mechanism, I learned the why, and the possible dangerous situations to try to avoid them, but then I put the event way back back back back back deep in my brain and never want to talk/think about it again. I got in another relationship. Few weeks into it, my boyfriend asked me if I had any romantic thing with the other guy, and I lied. I said no. Four months into it, e went through my email and found an old email from that guy who I had the affair with. He was furious. I apologized, cried, begged him to forgive me. He wanted to leave me. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't socialize, think, or anything else. I just keep crying. He's still with me now, but he holds my lie over my head everyday. He threatened to leave more times than I can remember. He's right, I'm bull*, I'm not worth any time, I'm wasting his time, I'm a horrible person. That's why I say my fear of him leaving is real, but my fears of my friends and family abandoning is unfounded for. They only tell me I'm wonderful and beautiful, yet I'm still scared about them leaving, though they're not. I just wanna wake up one day feeling beautiful and okay.