I've had a lot of stuff in my life changing recently, mostly for the bad. I lost my job a few months ago and can't find another one. Losing my job led me to losing my girlfriend because she lost her faith and belief in me because I couldn't find a new one. We were together for two years, which is my longest relationship ever. I just can't get my feelings for her out of my head, I can't push it away. Everytime I close my eyes I see her face. Everywhere I look, there's something that reminds me of her. All I want to do is make things better with her, hold onto the last bastion of joy that I had in my life, but it is seeming out of my grasp. This hole inside me is swallowing up every piece of motivation, hope and desire to live my life that I had been holding on to. I find myself unable to even get out of bed for about an hour while I just sit there, sad, sobbing, remembering everything we shared, all of the good times. It's eating me alive. I've lost 9 pounds since we broke up two weeks ago and I know that isn't healthy but everytime I try to eat I can take a few bites before my stomach feels like it's going to throw it back up.

Everything I used to do to get my mind off things is failing. I write, I read, I listen to music, I play video games, I talk to friends, but it always comes back around to me missing her and feeling bad about myself for not being able to find work. Deep down, I know it's not my fault that I can't find work, it's not totally for lack of trying, though I probably could have done more. At first we bucked the recession, both of us were still working, still had a healthy relationship and talked to eachother as often as possible. She lost her job first, and still hasn't been able to find work either. I feel like since I'm a man she expected me to have an easier time at finding work, like was some sort of recession-proof creature that could stroll into any office and get hired.

I just need some advice on how to get my mind off things, if anyone has anything I haven't already mentioned. I would really love to go see a therapist, but I also like to eat and pay my bills, so I can't afford it at the moment. I've been through breakups before, but nothing like this. We shared everything, we completely understood eachother and now I'm just totally lost because everything I thought was real and true turned out to be partial and an illusion. I kinda just want to erase every memory of her from my mind, I feel that is the only way I will truely ever get over her. I'm just lost, and hurting, and I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I dunno..