(((((A Long Ways))))) She might have been trying to handle her feelings about herself not finding a job and applying it to you. Women typically have been raised to think of the man as the one who has an OBLIGATION to work. This is often not fair. If she is feeling that her self esteem has taken a blow, then she might be trying to handle it by thinking, "I*M not supposed to fel bad, HE is."
I have a brother in law who for various reasons has been unable to work regular jobs. He does do a lot of work in local politics, and he takes care of his daughter (my niece) while my sister works. Yes, there are stupid people who go around and assume that he is just lazy and sponging off my sister, but when you know where he comes from and what has happened to him, you can understand why finding work is really, very difficult for him. My sister understands this and knows he does what he can.
It might also be that like a lot of people your has an oversimplified view of life; good and bad things happen to us because of what we do, if you really want something, we can get it, and all those hackneyed sayings. Your wife might feel that these things don't apply to her because she knows her own situation, while she can freeling fantasize about how it is for everyone else. Not good, because that means, basically, she had a false view of you and is relating to it, instead of to you. I'm sorry that you are hurting so much because of this. I have a hard time understanding such people, and really, I would have been just aas devastated if I had been in your position. This is a good place to come for support, though. Everyone here has something to give. Keep posting, and don't lose heart