Thunderbear's got it right.....it's called "tough love". If you don't like what they are doing & you are doing everything....then you just stop doing it until they get the picture......when they get fed up with it all, they will either change, or you will find out what they are really like & decide if you really want to me their mommy the rest of your life.

The only way to stop dragging around the sack of potatoes is to let go of it.....let it sink or swim.

My huband pulled that when we first got married....not only that, but he hardly liked any kind of food & with him mother, he would walk out & go to fast food if he didn't like what she cooked....told him the first time he ever did that, the door would be locked permanently. He fought me about doing the laundary the only day I had to do it...he wouln't get out of bed......I got a pitcher of ice water....dumped it on him....he never fought me about getting up & helping me with laundary again. You have to be firm....you don't have to be mean unless they push up that far.....just use as much force as is needed.

Honestly...reasonable men do not have to be told everything to do or have a list...they have a mind, they hold down their jobs....they can hold down the job of being a husband.

There were too many things that my husband ended up failing at & refused to make the changes.....I left him after 33 years of being married....the last 12 of those years, I lived is a separate part of the house until I finally moved across the country. The problems I was dealing with were more serious than not closing cupboards & doors....they were lying by withholding information....things he had done throughout the marriage, but it just piled up over the years.

By the time we had been under the same roof for 30 years, I was seeing red everytime I talked with him.....he knew every botton to push & I was letting him......finally by the 33 year, I was never so happy as I was away from him. I told myself that if absense made the heart grow stronger, then I really loved him......If I love being away from him & loved my peace & secure feeling alone.....then I really never loved him......well....I would never go back to him ever....I realize I never loved him .....we did enjoy doing things together, but the whole relationship was only about things & no relationship. He had no idea how to care about himself let alone anyone else.....I found I was better off knowing & taking care of myself than feeling like I should be able to depend on my husband when I needed him & he woudnt be there.....it taught me many things though....it taught me how we change for others & when we do, we loose who we are.....that is something we should never do if the who we were was a good thing.

Sadly, is never seems that the strong bring the week up to their level, but the weak tear down the strong.

Don't be pushed into feeling guilty....of course, you know, that if you refused to feel guilty, there is no way he could make you feel that way.....you have to stand up for yourself & what you feel is fair.

Oh, as for sitting waiting for him after work.....just go do the things you want to do for awhile & leave him waiting for you.....just tell him you added up all the time he made you wait & you are just getting your time paid back.

He will never stop acting the way he acts as long as you continue acting like his mother....if you really don't like it then you are going to have to stop!!!!

If you are feeling this way about him at 10 years.....you will only be feeling even worse by the time you hit 20 & even worse if you make it to 30.....it doesn't get better & your feelings of tolerance don't improve with time.....at least that's my experience.

A marriage counselor is a good idea to lay out the negotiations.....usually it takes a mediator to help make things work & to point out the problems so you aren't the one pointing the finger.

You have some good suggestions here to draw from everyone...figuring out where you are really coming from will be your challenge.

Best wishes,
Debbie