I was an only child....my father had died 15 years before my Mother, who just died almost 5 years ago. It was when my Mother died that I was able to sell her home, use the money & buy my farm & leave my husband after 33 years of marriage....last 12 were nothing but living under the same roof.

Initially my move wasn't intended on being the complete separation that it ended up being, but I realized that I couldn't possibly continue living anywhere close to my husband.....especially with the ending blow when I got a letter from the IRS about back taxes that hadn't been responded to by my husband for almost 1 year......he had received the letter just after I purchased my farm.....I completely ignored it.....luckily, we had the mail forwarded here at Christmas when he came here for the first Christmas at my farm with our daughter visiting too. It was that February that the mail was still forwarded & I received the letter. I contacted his parents to tell them that I thought there was something seriously wrong with their son & that he at least needed their support (as they had completely ignored him for years also) because I had moved to my farm & after his inability to handle any responsibility in the marriage all those years, I had finally had enough & he wasn't going to be moving to the farm with me.

I haven't heard a word from the since that email......I have no family after my parents died. My daughter & I have never been very close...(my fault as my career was more important to me than being a mother). We do get along well together now, but she doesn't like talking on the phone & when she does talk on the phone, she ends up talking to the people in the room around her & it's hard to hold a conversation with her......so we don't communicate much at all either.

It is interesting though as I have started a whole new life here completely alone & I really love it. Have friends in many different areas of my life that I enjoy being with & doing things with. I have accepted the life that I have ended up with & am actually more comfortable with it than I ever was in my married life......when I finally get my horses moved here with me & my furniture, I will finally be more comfortable.

As for a divorce....we have so much debt that even if we sold the house there, we wouldn't be able to pay off the debt......& filing for bankruptcy wasn't an option because of our financial situation either.....somehow because of the value of the houses & all, everything would have to be sold first......so we just have gone our own ways.....neither have any desire to ever get married again, so there is no issue with that......we no longer have to live under the same roof.....that would not have been tolerable any longer.

I am glad you are able to work out the divorce as it does help make the ending more clean cut.

It is sad how family can be so mean....my friends in-laws after her divorce are still wonderful to her.....some people are lucky to have family that really does care no matter what.

You focus on the reasons you left & why you felt the way you did to end the marriage.....that is the best reason to move on. You wouldn't have left if you loved him or there was love in the marriage.

You will get through this & will come out so much better for ending the marriage. I realized that I was able to get the values back that I had lost when I got married 33 years before....I got trapped in his life style of spending money & credit....it was aways a problem for me in my mind. I would spend to make myself feel better, then I would end up feeling worse......I hated who & what I was when I was with him & I hated the anger that I felt toward him for how irresponsible he was in caring for the financial end of the family.

What freedom....even though I have nothing now except my farm & enough money to make the monthly bills......It is like a breath of fresh air that blows through my life constantly.

Hopefully when you look at what you left & why, you will feel this way also......as there are no regrets when we feel good about it life finally.

Know it will all sort out for you,
Debbie