Now you've got me thinking about this issue about trying to "save" other people. I think that maybe "save" is just the wrong word. Could we replace it with "help?"

When Darrel posted his list of things we can do for other people, I looked through it and asked myself how many of those I was doing or had plans to do. I am working towards a degree in a helping profession, as I really do enjoy that. I also want to write a book, but I'm not ready to yet. At this point I could write about my problems, and people who have read what start I have made in that direction have told me that they enjoyed it and understood. Although what I am referring to is something that I wrote for myself, out of my need to be understood, I saw in it even at the time the potential for it to help bring understanding for others who have felt some of the same things that I have. It also helps people to be there for them, to listen to them, and understand what they are going through. We all do that on this site.

The word "save" feels like you are granting yourself power beyond what you actually have. We can't save people by jumping into the pit with them and trying to drag them out. People don't get better until they want to, and they have to do the work themselves. Still, we can be there for them and help them. We can at least throw them a rope. If they grab it, we can help pull them up, but only as far as they are able to do their part.

Sometimes we need to focus on ourselves and work on our problems, and make sure our own needs are met. But we can also grow and get better through helping other people. I'm not sure where to draw the line between when we should focus inwards and when we should focus on others. Last spring, within a few weeks after I had sunk to the bottom of my pit and was just barely starting to try to climb out, I became aware that a girl I know (in real life) has many of the same problems that I do. She's bipolar and also a cutter, only 19 years old, and the impact of her problems on her life tends to be more than the effect that my problems have on mine. Aside from the incident last February, I seem to be pretty much functional most of the time. Anyway, I wondered what I might be able to do to help this girl I knew. I sincerely did want to help her, although I was also motivated by wanting to have a connection with someone like me. I asked my T what I might be able to do for this girl, and he told me that it would be better for me not to get involved with her, since I had my own struggles and probably couldn't offer her much, while she had a lot of potential to just drag me down. It probably wasn't the time for it. Also, she isn't looking for help. She has rejected meds and therapy and is still hanging around with the same friends she gets in trouble with.

Later on, I found this site. I was looking for people like me, both because I wanted to have a connection with people who have been there and can truly understand, but I also wanted the chance to help someone else.

Helping doesn't have to be limited to people with mental illnesses either. Last spring, one of the leaders in my church knew about my incident and was concerned about me. She kept asking what she could do to help me. I couldn't think of anything. Eventually, I found the answer, and it was to ask her to give me opportunities to help someone else. We have an older couple in the church who live in their own home with their adult daughter who is developmentally disabled. The mother is physically very weak and also has alzheimer's, so she can't take care of the family. The father is mentally competent but old and he can't do everything. So, I take a turn once a month to take dinner to this family and check on them and make sure that they are getting by okay. That kind of service opportunity helps us too.

So, maybe we can't "save" other people, and it would be a mistake to think that that was our role, or to charge ourselves with that responsibility, but we can "help" people, and helping someone else does aid our own healing process. It doesn't have to be big things, but focusing on someone else, just some of the time, does make a difference, and you don't have to have your own dragon dealt with in order to start. Just start small.

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<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>