Sorry that I have to post again with my last one right at the top, but I so need some help. Or vent or ??? Heck I don't even know anymore.
I am trying so hard to be happy. I have a lot of health issues that can be extremely difficult to deal with but that seems so small to me compared to having a healthy happy marriage .
I don't know exactly what I am doing wrong anymore if I am at all. I have read so much of late trying to make some sense of my life.
I have a great man in my life who I love deeply. He is not happy and is content with that. I don't understand that but I have to the realization that if he is unhappy and doesn't wish to do anything about it then who am I to butt in........ unfortunately I am his wife and his happiness is probably more important to me than my own.
He will not tell me what will make him happy. He does not know and does not even want to think of it . He says then he will end up hurting me, so he would rather not think of himself.
Am I that off base to think then that he may not want to be with me, because I have told him that is the only thing that could really hurt me. Did I do wrong to tell him that?
I thought I could be honest with him in everything, and of course, lately I have found that I can not. He jumps to conclusions and becomes so defensive. I have tried every which way to communicate with him so that defensiveness is something that would not take place, but it always seems to.
I just want to know what will make him happy and if I can help him in any way. I am not always capable of doing much but I want to do all I can for him.
We have been together for 18 years, we have no children as I can not have any of which he knew from beginning. It took him almost 10 years to decide to marry me. 10 years......... of living together and loving.
Am I worrying for nothing here? I don't know anymore.
He does not tell me the truth though he doesn't actually lie to me that I know of.
I am feeling more and more insecure as the days go by. I need to know how I can possilbly help myself deal with this Am I just whining? Am I asking way too much of him and or myself?
Is there something wrong with wanting him to be happy ?
Is there something wrong with my wanting him to be honest with me even if he feels he may hurt me?
He will say I am always right with what I say so that is how he will think . He seems to think I think what he thinks is wrong or something and its nothing like that because he does not say anything except what I say.
Oh geez please someone help me sort this all out. I have never felt so alone in my whole life or lonely. Thanks for reading and Any ideas or thoughts would be appreciated. Constructive critism is welcome even. I so need some help thank you again Linda