Peg I realize now that you really didn't mean to be offensive. I was extremely put off because I thought you were in the mental health field and therefore more enlighten on this subject.

I personally do not understand SI. I get it logically, but it's not something that I can wrap my head around how this becomes a coping thing for them so I avoid that topic. I'm sure that my advice of just stop doing it would not be helpful to anyone that struggles with this issue. I assume they need someone that has gone through it before to be helpful to them.

I also avoid the threads that ask for help what to say to a loved one when they are so depressed that they can't function, but for a different reason. I've been that non-functioning person, and there was nothing anyone could say or do to help me (other than professional medical care). That mode also has it's own self-preservation quality. If I had the energy to move at all I would have killed myself. I had a plan, I just didn't have the energy to execute it. I was lucky enough to have a husband that somehow realized I made a shift and called the emergency hotline. I was too lethargic to even protest him dragging me out of bed and to the doctor... unshowered in my pajamas. I never ever want to be in that place again. I love my kids more than anything on this planet, and even my love for them could not break through the darkness. It scares me to this day how close I was to hurting them like that. To that end when I even think I'm flirting with the edge of the danger zone I immediately contact my doctor. He knows me well and I have a standing order at his office that if I call and say I have to see him I get in, whether he's booked solid for a month or on vacation I have that appointment within the hour.

I'm also a firm believer in tough love. Very often there is a huge difference between what someone wants to hear and what they need to hear. But in this case it's more about what you can do and what you're able to do. To me it was similiar to someone "motivating" their child by calling them stupid so that the child would attempt to prove them wrong and work harder on their homework.