Psyclox…
You asked in my opinion the most important question. And the most heart breaking one when you said...

“I know I have a problem but I don't care, I wish I did but I don't. What can I do?

Here is the hard truth.

You don’t need to do anything. Just keep drinking and druging as much as you can. The pain you feel right now will be a picnic in the park compared to the pain you will feel in a year, or two or five from now.

God’s great gift to us was pain. Just the kind of pain you are feeling right now. When the pain becomes unbearable you will do one of two things.

You will admit you are powerless over your drugs of choice and you will surrender.

Or

You will stumble on blotting out the reality of your pathetic existence as best you can until you die.

This disease does not care how bad it gets for you. It will never let you go, and it will never cut you any slack.

One day you will care. I hope one day you will hurt so much that you will do anything to make the pain stop.

Then things can change,
Richard