People suck, and I hate girls. They're so *****y!

I wish I could give up, I wish I could curl in bed and never get out. Why am I so dysfunctional? How can I get rid of my pathological dissociation? My human development course teaches on the developmental stages, and says vaguely that botched up ones can be revisited to fix later, but how? I can't imagine it.

I thought about suicide this morning. But it doesn't have any room to stick in my mind. Why? Because I know God won't let me get away with it, absolutely know it. Trying anything will just mess things up more. I wish I could, I wish I had that choice. Not having it ought to suggest to me that I have hope, there must be a reason God wouldn't let me do it. But that doesn't lessen the hurt and fear, the pressure.

I'm so tired!