((((((((((Taonuviel)))))))))))


I don't pretend to understand anything God does, but maybe the reason you can't hurt yourself is because you know you're not done yet. An unfinished masterpiece. Today I was talking to my counsellor about this, and I said that when I'm depressed, I'm filled with certainty, and when I'm not depressed, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. The thing is, the certainty I feel with the depression is that things are going to stay the way they are, that things are going to suck forever, that I'm absolutely useless and am never going to change, that my life is worthless and I will never amount to anything. The uncertainty I feel without the depression is that I am open to all possibilities, I have the world laid out before me and I can go down any path I want because my life is mine to control and I'm going to do what I want and what I can to make myself into the person I want to become. I try very hard to embrace the uncertainty because I believe that we are our own masterpieces, and just because we aren't sure of the next step doesn't mean the end result won't be beautiful.

I think you can make your life beautiful again. I think that at your core, that's what you want. Try not to worry so much about how you're going to achieve that, and take things as they come, one day at a time. Please be good to yourself and stay safe. I know you're hurting but you're not alone in this.