Hi,
My first question is, is your son in therapy? If he isn't I would suggest that it is a good idea. You could get a referral from your doctor or psychiatrist (or health insurance). This will give you a second person who your son can talk to and also help you learn how to better discuss these issues with your son as from your description it seems like you two are not totally connecting. It will be important for you to set up issues like confidentiality before hand so your son knows what types of things he says in therapy will make it back to you and what he can say without you finding out. Good luck with your son.