Welcome to PsychCentral.

I remember being in highschool (it was only five years ago now...) I also remember being cripplingly depressed and borderline suicidal. And I kept it to myself, and it seems that like you - I hid it behind a mask of "I'm fine".

It sucks, but it is a coping mechanism. However, I know now that if I had gotten help back then I may not have so many issues today... so I'm giving you advice I wish I had gotten.

First, I assume you have a school counsellor/guidance counsellor? Are you comfortable talking to them? Do you even really know them?

If you do know your guidance counsellor, talk to them. It is their job to help, and sometimes they can't help unless we help ourselves and admit we've got problems we can't deal with by ourselves. That's what depression is, a problem that's not easily dealt with by yourself.

If you're not comfortable with your guidance counsellor (I wasn't) ... you could try talking to a teacher you actually like at your school. Someone you kinda trust. Let them help, once again they do care about you otherwise they wouldn't be in a helping profession and trying to teach!

What about your parent(s)? How is your relationship with them? Is it stable/comfortable enough to tell them how you're really feeling?

If all that doesn't work, what about parents of some of your friends? Or other leaders/elders/role models? Religious officials? Sports coaches?

If you can, talk to your doctor. While you're still young, your doctor probably could avoid telling your parents everything you say -- which is good for trust in a relationship, really.

Continue to talk here, there's quite a few other teenagers around