OK, the first thing I ralised after not even getting half way through this post was the negativity in your poor soul. You say you have always been this way, that people laugh at you, do they physically laugh at you or is your depression lying to you honey?.

Firstly you have to do the hardest thing possible and that is to start changing your thought processes. Because you have felt worthless and negative for so long this is not going to be easy, but you CAN and WILL be able to do it, there is NO such word as can't. Noone can do this for you, it comes from inside.

You have done voluntary work, this shows you think of others, you help others and wow what a huge heart you have ... there is something to work on. You said you wouldn't kill yourelf for fear of hurting loved ones, another two things .. you have loved ones and you are not selfish I have given you 3 great reasons to live, want to live and build positivity on

Sometimes in life it's so easy to thrive on negative thoughts and emotions, start looking for the positive now. You have friends here, you can pm me if you like any time I love making new friends

Please don't think I'm preaching, I have been where you are and there was nothing or no one who would change me at one time, now I am happy, more confident and looking forward to the rest of my life. Now if I can do it so can you ... may sound cliche but it's true. There was noone more depressed, miserable, negative and feeling worthless than I onl two years ago .... just wanted to let you know that so it doesn't sound like I'm being bossy or patronising

You're a good person with a kind heart, keep telling yourself that EVERY day and work on turning those negative thoughts around .... big hugs and I'll be thinking of you. Ophelia/Kerry xxxxx