It's possible that you do have BPD also. It doesn't only affect women, although it is more commonly diagnosed in women. There are reasons why it isn't often recognized in men, such as that some of the behaviors are things that may seem more normal when a man does them according to our cultural norms. However, it sounds to me like you are frustrated with the way that she is treating you, and that is entirely understandable. Sometimes when you have a loved one who suffers from mental or emotional difficulties, you could benefit from getting some counseling or therapy yourself just to help you to deal with it. That might be something to look into. Would she consider going to couples counseling? That's another thing that might help both of you to understand each other and know how to deal with each others' needs. You're a trooper to hang on with all the challenges you face. You must love her a lot. It would be convenient if we had a way to change our loved ones and make them easier to live with sometimes, but they have to make the decision themselves to change. Sometimes the best that you can do is to make changes in yourself that will help you to cope better.

I wish you well.