Yeah, girls can be bad. It took me years to get to the point where I could bond with women as well as I could with men. Unfortunately, it's so easy to focus on the bad apples when one is depressed. That's what Mr. depression is so good at, erasing all the nuances and making everything uniformly awfull.
I believe that people can repair parts of that which goes wrong in development, and heal rather than do over other damage. There are some things that one can't redo, or exactly reconstruct - periods of our lives pass and we can't recapture them. I suspect that to redirect our development, we have to come to the point we can let go of certain things that have happened to us and refuse to let them continue to define us. This is very, very hard.
I hope you have a good talk doc, and I really hope if you don't that you can find one. You can repair alot, but almost everyone needs help with that, especially when the wounds lie as deeply as yours seem to. Thanks for posting, and try to stick around. Maybe God doesn't want you to hurt yourelf because you belong to HIM? Take care of yourself.