So I am coming to the conclusion that I am attracted to guys who are not attracted to me back. I think its the whole "chase" or possibly "forbidden fruit" complex.
Whatever the reason, I don't seem to be interested in the men who are actively pursuing me. They are nice, cute, musical, and even dance! What more could a girl want? I don't know. Something about the ones who aren't interested or don't have time are the ones who pique my interest. What's up with that?
So here I am, thinking of him, wondering why I'm wanting him to call, text, something. Its just a crush, nothing major, but still. Why him? We're friends. He's fun to talk to, easy to be around. He flirts, but subtly (and that's spelled right ). I don't understand myself, and I wish I could just let it go.
Anyway, since he has been rather aloof as of late, I am trying to take a hint and back off. I am not texting or calling. When I go over, I have a legitimate reason and am not there just to see him. There have been rumors around the group that he's kinda into me. I don't know if I believe it. I did. Now, not so sure.
I seem to be able to play/be "hard to get" with the guys who are chasing me. Maybe because I'm not as interested and therefore actually hard to get. I've never had to PLAY hard to get. Force myself to be aloof. Especially when he is easy to talk to. But I will do it, because I don't want to be annoying, obnoxious, clingy, or desperate. Although the fact that I have to actively try NOT to contact him makes me think that I am naturally those things listed above that I so greatly abhor. No wonder he's backing off.

The wonderful thing about writing...being able to discover yourself through your words. Being able to organize your thoughts to come to a conclusion that you probably knew all along, but it was buried in the unconscious of your mind. I like bringing light to the dark, undiscovered corners of my mind.
Yay for rambling
Thanks for putting up with me