Blue, I am so sorry. Those beliefs are deep, and they are painful. It will indeed take a lot of hard to work to change them, but you can change them - you are worth changing them!!!

I definitely struggle with many of those beliefs. I often feel like I don't deserve to be loved - I don't even know where that feeling comes from. It's old and it's there, and it's real. I have a lot coming up for me now, as you know, feelings from my childhood. I'm trying to remember how that child felt, how the feelings were pure and how my little self was so hurt by so many things that built up over the years, how all she wanted was not to be left alone and to be loved and to be held and to be comforted... instead, she was rewarded for her good behavior by being left alone more and was given more responsibility at too young of an age (9). I am so sad for that little girl, I cried for that little girl in my last session - I didn't even know that I had those deep feelings until they came up last session. My point is that you will figure out how these beliefs originated, and you will figure out (with ftt's help) how to change these beliefs.

We are all precious, and we all matter... and one day, we will all know that it's true.