((((((((Berries))))))))


I'm not sure how valid any advice I give would be because I have what a lot of people would consider an abnormally good relationship with my parents most of the time. But I have dealt with people like your father, in that they never initiate contact, don't remember my birthday or special events in my life, are intensely critical or downright insensitive and are apparently oblivious to the pain they cause. I had a friend who was like that in many ways. Eventually, I got tired of being the one "carrying" our relationship, and I just stopped initiating contact. I didn't get angry or cut him out, I just decided one day to let him come to me. As a result, I have not heard from him since last March, which pretty much proves me right in thinking the relationship was one-sided at best. There's a saying that goes something like "Don't make someone a priority in your life if you're only an option in theirs."

If you want to keep in contact with your dad, then by all means go ahead. But don't let your self-confidence ride on that relationship. It's not worth allowing someone who -- for whatever reason -- refuses to invest the time in you to claim any part of you, if that makes sense. Obviously because it's your dad you want to love him and be loved by him, but nobody's parents are perfect and at some point I think we have to look at our relationships with them as critically as we look at our relationships with anyone else, removing the biological factor, in order to come to a sound decision. I wish you lots of luck in figuring it out.