Thanks everyone.

Still struggling. Hard to really describe how I feel. I kinda feel like I don't even know myself. I dont know my own hopes and dreams, I barely even know what makes me happy. I can't accept my situation. Thinking about the future, I'm really trying to figure out the point of trying anyway. We work so hard, try to impress everyone around us, build up a reputation and what not, then it's all over and you're 6 feet under. I know that's a terrible way to think but it's what my mind is telling me.

Got on the phone for 10 minutes with my ex and we immediately started fighting. I just... I wish I could say I felt numb, but I still just feel pathetic and worthless. I want to get out there and find work but my confidence has taken a severe beating over the past few weeks and I'm starting to automatically cancel out jobs because I think I will fail at them.

Really having trouble putting into words the way I feel, and I think the more I think about all this, the more I beat myself up, the less likely I am to get out there and start making things right.

Feeling very in despair.